Legos and Lunch

I'm on vacation this week.  My office shuts down for year end closing. I've been just under the weather and the little guy has also. This has meant cuddles and movies. Stories and giggles.  Life is ironic... funny I guess you could say. I never intended to have children... my thoughts were that it was hard enough to take care of myself (emotionally) that I could never have enough to give or that I wouldn't know what to give to a little one.

REWIND.

Two and a half years ago I feel in love with someone that had, at the time a 2 1/2 year old boy. The first time I looked at him, at a friends birthday party, I saw a very deep soul in there and we connected... immediately. I love children. I always have. I began seeing this woman and it never crossed my mind not to be with her because she had a child. I loved him and her and knew it would all work out how it was meant to.

FAST FORWARD.

On Christmas Day we, three of us, A, N and I went an hour north to my mothers and celebrated Christmas with my family, who treat A and N like blood family, and it was a beautiful day.

FAST FORWARD

Day after Christmas I was talking to my sister who told me I was a beautiful parent and wondered if we were going to have more children.

PAUSE.

No.

We are not, however the fact that my sister shared this with me meant the world to me. A has a father who is extremely active in his life and N, his mother is as full time a mother as could be. A has 2 parents. I love him like he's mine. I would do anything in this world for him... without a second thought.

REWIND.

After a year of being together N asked me if I thought it was possible to love a child that wasn't biologically yours (HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION--wink wink) as much as your own. Without a thought I said yes of course. I love A that way... it's not a conscious or even cognitive decision.

YESTERDAY

A had a fever that relented after Children's Tylenol, so we trekked up north to see my mom and my Tom to exchange the Christmas gift we got her because it wasn't working. They took us out to Ruby Tuesday's for lunch and gave A legos for his birthday. A adores them. He calls them his Tara grandma and grandpa... and the beauty is that they love him... not in a conscious way or by making a cognitive decision. He skips along up to my mother as his 5 year old bouncy self, reaches his right hand up to hold hers, but hers is already 1/2 way there... without even knowing it. Over legos and lunch I was enamored by the sparkle in his eye and the attentiveness in theirs. I am very fortunate for this life... blessed my the hand of god.

I love my family for many many reasons.. they are intelligent, funny, kind, surviving kind of people who have this amazing ability to love.

Over and out on a very cold, slightly feverish Thursday.
-Tara

Tuesday Musings

I'm tired and I'm not sure quite why. I had my 4 hour IVIG infusion yesterday and that usually gives me the incredible very noticeable boost I need... but I woke before 5 and I'm tired.. by body and my emotion.
While getting my infusion yesterday, under the influence of the pre-meds, I spilled a Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte on my Macbook Pro. 1 year of pictures. 1 year of music. 1 year of my life. I hope to be able to retrieve the data. It's me and my iPad for a while... which is more that fine with me.
I'm home this week... I like it and don't. I just started a new job a few weeks ago and kind of just wanted to stay in the groove.
Christmas was wonderful. A woke at 545 and we entered the zone of Santa and legos galore. He was very very grateful and happy. N loved her gifts and I loved mine. After a very nice long relaxing morning we headed up to my mom's to visit with she and my stepfather, my grandmother, my two sisters, my brother in law, my newphew. It's the first time since O was born that we've all been together... I loved it. I didn't want to leave. My family, as always was very very generous with gifts, but it was the merriment and the togetherness and the perfection of it all that has left me warmly peaceful.
I will go back up to visit tomorrow- I am looking forward to it tremendously.

Today I have errands, lunch with a friend, a genius bar appointment to start the data retrieval process and a run planned. After drop off to daycare and then later pickup, and a 7 lb yorkie to contend with in the middle.

It's a day, and I cannot explain why, that I want to get in the car, music blaring and just drive south to warm, to the sea, to warmth...
*******************************
Over and out on a white, freezing Tuesday morning.
Tara

Christmas Eve Morn'

Not a creature is stirring, well maybe a 7lb yorkie -- I am sitting in front of the fireplace thinking about 2010. It's been a great year. I have had the healthiest streak in a while. Thank you God. I have lost a job and found a better one. I have stood up for what I believed in and was the right thing to do, even when it was no the "popular" thing to do. I have asked for guidance, and then not taken my will back. I have grown with my family and had fun new adventures. A's first year of soccer. A new puppy, Bella, who has changed or lives. The friendships that were true, have really prospered. My relationship has grown beyond bounds. I have done a lot of self reflection and truly learned that I am human... that is huge for me. I am not invincible... and that is okay. That makes me stronger. I can walk 1/2 of a planned run and still have done a workout. I have stayed IV free for the longest period in 18 months. I have grown to feel for the CF community in a way I never thought I would connect with people across the world on the internet. Ronnie and Mandi created CysticLife, which has changed my life and enabled me to see that yes, I am pretty much an ordinary CF-er ( definitely go there and register). Piper's lungs gave me hope, and Conner Reed Jones' departure from this physical world broke my heart into a thousand pieces as he lost a very valiant effort of a fight with CF and PBS. I truly CARE about these people and think of them each day. I am very very blessed.

Bless you all on this eve of Christmas the year 2010.

Over and out-
Tara

Thankful Thursday - Tara edition

First off, many thanks to mandi and Ronnie at rsr for inspiring me to blog. I've attempted and not committed... And here I am.

I am thankful for my family--my best friend and life partner, this beautiful 5 year old boy that has his mommy's checks and the largest most sensitive heart. I am fortunate to have a gorgeous home, amazing friends and a scrappy little yorkie named bella.
We have food to eat and warm beds in which we sleep. I am grateful for my health and
Dr. P

This entire family is grateful for the season of Christmas-- with all the wonder it brings.

Signing off.
Tara

Slower times

I am a runner with slower times. I used to be an elite athlete--I was happy in a self unaware, highly competitive , slightly unhealthy kind of way-- I love running. Today I run. I run what and how I can after a year of lung infections and iv antibiotics .

I love running now as a life sustaining activity- I still love getting faster and running better, but I appreciate it differently. If I start throwing up in s run today or turn blue, I stop - back then, I kept running .

I am happier today than I've ever been - I am blessed.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Becoming A Blogger

As is clearly obvious in the lags between the TWO posts Ihave made, Ive not been committed to blogging-- I am now committing... for a few reasons.
1. I actually DO like to write.
2. I've grown so much from the blogs I read on a daily basis and I want to give back.
3. It helps me heal-- in all ways, whether it be from a bug in my lungs that i can write about and put out there and not be alone with, or about the exhaustion, or the less than average run or the simple human fact that i found the BEST hoodie ever at Dick's Sporting Goods (I've been on a lifelong "best hoodie" search) and they didn't have my size... now I have visited that store about 40 times since September.. I just cannot justiy spending 80 on a hoodie...I'm much better at justifying spending the money on everyone else... just who I am.

At any rate I'm here and have dedicated my time to posting at least 4 times a week. If I disappear, which COULD happen for a trip to the hospital, I'll let you know, else if you need to reach me I am at tarahurlburt (at) gmail (dot) com

The main areas of my life that seem to get the most attention are my partner N, her son A, running, reading, CF, my spiritual beliefs, my job and the mere oddities I encounter as I dance through life.

Thanks for having me here folks...
Be well.
-Tara