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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Legos and Lunch

I'm on vacation this week.  My office shuts down for year end closing. I've been just under the weather and the little guy has also. This has meant cuddles and movies. Stories and giggles.  Life is ironic... funny I guess you could say. I never intended to have children... my thoughts were that it was hard enough to take care of myself (emotionally) that I could never have enough to give or that I wouldn't know what to give to a little one.


Two and a half years ago I feel in love with someone that had, at the time a 2 1/2 year old boy. The first time I looked at him, at a friends birthday party, I saw a very deep soul in there and we connected... immediately. I love children. I always have. I began seeing this woman and it never crossed my mind not to be with her because she had a child. I loved him and her and knew it would all work out how it was meant to.


On Christmas Day we, three of us, A, N and I went an hour north to my mothers and celebrated Christmas with my family, who treat A and N like blood family, and it was a beautiful day.


Day after Christmas I was talking to my sister who told me I was a beautiful parent and wondered if we were going to have more children.



We are not, however the fact that my sister shared this with me meant the world to me. A has a father who is extremely active in his life and N, his mother is as full time a mother as could be. A has 2 parents. I love him like he's mine. I would do anything in this world for him... without a second thought.


After a year of being together N asked me if I thought it was possible to love a child that wasn't biologically yours (HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION--wink wink) as much as your own. Without a thought I said yes of course. I love A that way... it's not a conscious or even cognitive decision.


A had a fever that relented after Children's Tylenol, so we trekked up north to see my mom and my Tom to exchange the Christmas gift we got her because it wasn't working. They took us out to Ruby Tuesday's for lunch and gave A legos for his birthday. A adores them. He calls them his Tara grandma and grandpa... and the beauty is that they love him... not in a conscious way or by making a cognitive decision. He skips along up to my mother as his 5 year old bouncy self, reaches his right hand up to hold hers, but hers is already 1/2 way there... without even knowing it. Over legos and lunch I was enamored by the sparkle in his eye and the attentiveness in theirs. I am very fortunate for this life... blessed my the hand of god.

I love my family for many many reasons.. they are intelligent, funny, kind, surviving kind of people who have this amazing ability to love.

Over and out on a very cold, slightly feverish Thursday.


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