Thirty eight:thirty eight

Last night, or I guess by now its the night before I jogged/walked 3 miles in 38:38. I felt like a rock star, despite having run at 3:17 marathon less than five years ago. It didn't matter that I was walking every other minute, or that when I jogged my breathing labored. I felt like a zebra in the African brush... running wild and free-- though much slower and much less beautiful.  In those thirty eight minutes and thirty eight seconds I vowed to commit to daily run/walks again... to build back up to something. To not let life get in the way of me feeling that good...

I have been awake since 2:13am. My stomach has been a raucous mess for 3 weeks now, since beginning IV Merrem. I'm off the Merrem and it hasn't let up. When I went to bed last night I thought, tomorrow morning 5am right before work get a nice run in and I sit here now at 4:43 and wondering how I can do it... every inch of my skin hurts with exhaustion... I have 7 sores on my lower lip...my throat feels like someone lit a flame to it.

Bella is asleep next to me... her little furry body is lifting and falling as she breathes her little puppy breaths. A is asleep on my side of the bed...

Life gets in the way... sleepless nights and cf gunk... little boys that just won't clean up the toys at school so it takes an extra 45 minutes just to get home at night... spouses that have to make just one stop on the way home... days stretch into days and life happens... the suits need to be cleaned and the laundry folded... the garbage and recycling out and groceries bought... puppies walked and sinus rinses done... rush hour traffic and flat tires... missed deadlines and lost mail keys...

I'm grateful amongst it all... to have a partner I really am in love with... a little boy that brightens my days who doesn't always want to clean up the toys at school and a puppy that needs to go potty at 3:30 am in 19 degree temperatures...I am enveloped in the warmth and love of a family...