need to keep it in sight

I think its sufficient to say that today wasn't a great day. As I get on in weeks in here I start to get crazy... add solumedrol to the mix and crazy turns to almost rabid...its so hard to be grateful in those moments that i want to wring someones neck... and i'm not violent... i just cry, which I also did for most of today-- thank you solumendrol and dr p taking a vacation day. i need to keep sight of my heart and my path..

i will briefly digress... there is an initiative going on here called "continuity of care"-- what they are hoping for is that the cf patients get more comfortable with the other docs, PA's and APRN's so that when their primary pulmonologist is on vacation, the patient will still not be rounded by the hospitalists but by the other MD's in the office-- Given I am really gung-ho on lean process- I was entirely on board with this, until........................

it was my turn.

I came in here pretty sick. My stomach was awful. My lungs were a mess and I had 2 years of a tooth abscess in my mouth that I had no idea was there that had eaten away at the jaw bone, otherwise known as osteomylitis. 

I had 2 oral surgeries, 1 endoscopy and what feels like a million therapies... all that being said, we found a routine that worked for me NOW... not necessarily in 5 weeks but now when it was needed and working... so............

My dear Dr P had a vacation day and I woke up this morning to 4 of my meds changed by the APRN because they did not understand why I was on them Um.. it is my 14th day here, you have looked at my chart a number of times prior to today.. so um? what's the issue (by the way this is the second time the same aprn did this when Dr P was out)

So I start crying (A LOT) and email dr p immediately. so the nurse is the liason between my hysteria and the aprn... and my poor mother just had to listen to me, but thank god she did. so they dc'd ALL my meds IV and I am on 4 new meds and the rest PO... Um-- I don't absorb abx orally, but I guess we can play this for a day.

So tomorrow I am supposed to go home if "I'm good tonight"-- What the hell does that mean? Don't wet the bed? Don't eat too many snacks? dont' say bad words?

Anyway this is a rant of any rant and I guess I write this for me so it's my rant and i feel a lot better now, but worst fear is that my stomach will get all messed up with the steroids and removal of some PPI's-- we'll see.

Tomorrow Tomorrow

The sun will come out tomorrow

It's only 

a 

DAYYYYYYY

A  

WAYYYYYYYYY

Yes.. that's how crazy I feel.